I'm pour some oil and flick a light.
Self-immolation.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Dreams
Are they real? Are your futures fortold, your life documented in flashes of movie imagery, with the sole viewer being you and no one else?
Are they just impulses from the brain of what your subconcious really wants? Your innermost desires, your most darkest, most sadistic desires?
Are they metaphors, to allow you to see things that you are never meant to see? The secrets of life itself?
Or are they utter rubbish. Just another dosage of cosmic entertainment as you rest, the song you hear as the doors close and the lift moves to the next floor?
It was so real. I saw you, with someone else, and it hurt. I felt lost.
We were in a restaurant.
You told me that you can't be with me. That you left because you had your reasons, and that you were happy now.
And you said you couldn't bear my child.
Then the scene shifted. And it became her. And me. Her face was slightly older, slightly more world weary. But there was an enthusiasm that I had never seen before. She took my hand and placed it on her stomach. And then she said," don't worry. I will have your baby."
it felt so real.
But like I said. It's utter rubbish.
Are they just impulses from the brain of what your subconcious really wants? Your innermost desires, your most darkest, most sadistic desires?
Are they metaphors, to allow you to see things that you are never meant to see? The secrets of life itself?
Or are they utter rubbish. Just another dosage of cosmic entertainment as you rest, the song you hear as the doors close and the lift moves to the next floor?
It was so real. I saw you, with someone else, and it hurt. I felt lost.
We were in a restaurant.
You told me that you can't be with me. That you left because you had your reasons, and that you were happy now.
And you said you couldn't bear my child.
Then the scene shifted. And it became her. And me. Her face was slightly older, slightly more world weary. But there was an enthusiasm that I had never seen before. She took my hand and placed it on her stomach. And then she said," don't worry. I will have your baby."
it felt so real.
But like I said. It's utter rubbish.
Sunday, December 06, 2009
Something New?
Im in my fourth year of my Army life.. things are getting a little monotonous, a little guessable.. im going to be 24 next year, and im still unable to write anything on Ilyas.
Ive applied for SMU. and Ive applied to the American University of Richmond in the UK. Thats just a dream. I cant afford to pay 120k just to get a degree. But hell, it would be so much fun to go.
I want to travel again. I want to discover myself, because frankly, i havent found anything worthwhile about myself. I figured out that i am capable of the best and the worst things, and that i am never at ease or at peace with myself. I realise that I am the worst part of being Human. Hopefully, i can move on. Hopefully.
I dunnoe how im feeling. I dun want to know why im here. I just want to desroy everything thats good and real because it isnt.
so difficult to explain. So badly in need of an outlet. Here it is. And your still my muse.
Ive applied for SMU. and Ive applied to the American University of Richmond in the UK. Thats just a dream. I cant afford to pay 120k just to get a degree. But hell, it would be so much fun to go.
I want to travel again. I want to discover myself, because frankly, i havent found anything worthwhile about myself. I figured out that i am capable of the best and the worst things, and that i am never at ease or at peace with myself. I realise that I am the worst part of being Human. Hopefully, i can move on. Hopefully.
I dunnoe how im feeling. I dun want to know why im here. I just want to desroy everything thats good and real because it isnt.
so difficult to explain. So badly in need of an outlet. Here it is. And your still my muse.
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