I was sitting in the lecture(sports science i think) and i realise i was suddenly so PREGNANT with creative ideas. I wanted to pen down some Ilyas right away. But the problem was, where to start?

I could write about his death? Nah too passe.

I could write about his beginning? Batman Begins anyone?

I could write some non-stop action involving his super fast reflexes and an impervious green jacket? Smallville all over again.

I could write about his life in school? Back to hogwarts people!

AH! i Could write about his relationships with Lois and the red haired girl! erm.. no.. i dont think so.. sounds alot like my secondary school journal I unearthed the other day.. super kental!

So i sat there, all pregnant, not knowing where to give birth to my brilliant yet misunderstood ideas.. when i thought about something. Ever since i joined the army and set foot into OCS, Ive always wanted to make a movie, or a series, about a cadet in the army. It wouldnt just be my experience, but the total experience of a bunch of us narrating the times we were in green and had white bars on our shoulders. It would be so cool. How tough it is, the expectations,the friction between cadets, the love stories, the physical training, the mindless tekan, the Missions, the drama! all captured on film or in words.

But i dont think it would be allowed. It would definitely be rated and knowing our guys up there, itll be cut to nothing before it even hits the big screens.

It would be great though. It would be great to just document what ive done, How ive done, why i did it. To show how incredibly proud i am to be serving my nation in this capacity.

So i wrote a few scenes briefly(like really briefly. try one sentence each) and i found i was looking at a cool idea in the vein of Jarhead and/or Band of brothers(without the war).

Maybe ill continue to write later. Maybe not. See how lah.

:)

The other day i was looking at this box where i keep all my keepsakes of my past, and i found myself being drawn to the picture of me and Bella. There were two, one in the open, another squirraled away in a book. I had totally forgotten about her after the great bust up a couple of years ago(entirely my fault) and it was a quick punch to my brain to see us smiling so happily from the pictures that were taken 6 years ago. It was as if we didnt know that we were heading to a really messy separation.

But what to do.

Ive always known me and him were in this whole roman-carthaginian thing where neither could live while the other survives(or harry and volde come to think of it). Looks like i went the hannibal way( though ive always loved them better. Elephants in the alps and all that) but in retrospect, i think im okay with that. Im just sad that we cant be friends still. In previous entries i did say so, but i just want to clarify, to myself most of all (since this is my blog) that i dont harbour no feelings for dear old bella anymore. It was a sad teenage child who fell for her awkward beauty years ago, and obsessed over her everyday, practicing the words to say if the hoped for moment ever came. It did arrive, actually. :) and like all things,there's always room for mr cockup.

I miss the times we spent together. Looking back, i can laugh at how silly i was, a lost teenager with grandiose ideas of love. But that boy is gone now. He grew up, learnt from his mistakes, and dearly wished he could have his friend back, at least to talk to about shit thats going down.

But the man wishes in vain. The awkward girl? she's gone too.

sadly.

(wow.. so emo seh! stop it siak..)

how about a joke? anyone heard about the bakaweh joke?