woah!

Its amaizng how many people actually read this crappy blog. firstly, the layout is unimpressive, un-cool and just green. Secondly, the writing is insipid, with mundane everyday events and un-funny jokes. Thirdly, there is an obvious lack of pictures suggesting the owner of not having a life(or a camera!). So why so many people actually read this blog?

Im flattered. Honestly. I started out wanting to put words to the life of Ilyas, and he has stagnated. He is lying in a pool of filth, retching for air. When i lost my green jacket, i felt it was the end. Ilyas was finally dead. Committed suicide.

I remember that night pretty well. I lost it, and i walked aimlessly for hours, combing thru the same area over and over, just looking for Ilyas. So many people had worn it, girls whom i had loved and lost and some i hold dear even now, had spent sometime feeling Ilyas' embrace. And myself. Ilyas had been a constant companion, my shield against the world, against pain, suffering, loneliness. It had been me. I was the Green Jacket. Who am i now?

Nothing will replace a thoroughbred. In Sharpe's Sword, when Sharpe had wanted a Kliganthel Blade, a sword made by the finest craftsman in Germany with the finest steel, he had to kill the owner to get it. But the blade was evil, it had too much innocent blood on it. when Sharpe was recovering from an almost mortal wound dealt by the owner with the kliganthel blade itself, Harper had made him a blade from a simple discarded cavalry Heavy sabre, sharpening it, polishing it, putting a gem in the hilt, lovingly made by a best friend for the ailing sharpe. Needless to say, Sharpe took that sword and killed the wowner of the kliganthel and thru the evil sword into a river.

Ilyas is gone. Taken from its previous owner without permission, it did not belong to me. It gave warmth to many, but none of them truly deserved wearing it.

But all hope is not lost. Love saves, and a new jacket, green as ilyas, lighter, more supple and smells better, worn by the woman i truely,madly, deeply love, was presented to me for my 22nd. By two people who i feel loves me a lot. :) Thank you khamal, fasihah. You guys rock.

Ilyas is dead. Its just Taufiq Now. Taufiq's Green Jacket.

Was walking home from work, having had the most terrible and most frustrating day, and i bumped into safrizan, and old friend from poly. He was selling Ayam Percik(percik chicken, honestly i dont know the true translation.) and he called me over. We had a stick and he offered to send me home.

I was famished, so i decided to go makan first over at Al-amin. Suddenly, both of us started making calls and before the hour was up, we were joined by Qamah, Salim, Fir, Rasfan and Blaine. It was a super impromptu gathering but it was not unlooked for. I was immediately cheered up! haha

We had a long discussion, about life, and Ijan came up with a very interesting view on life.

LIFE IS A BOARD GAME OF SNAKE AND LADDERS.

Now this might sound cliche, but it made sense.

Say you have a target. perhaps a car. so you play the game, going up life's ladders to bring you closer, going down the snakes along the way. Sometimes, you see a ladder, but actually its a snake, masquerading as a ladder. Sometimes, you expect to fall but come out nearer to you target than you ever expected. The game,of course, isnt complete without dice. The dice are the choices we make, whether right or wrong, 1 or 6, will bring us closer or push us further from our target.

Now, concurrently, there are millions of other targets, each over and under our current target, and every decision we make moves the pieces on the other parallel boards as well. Cool huh? An infinite game of Snakes and ladders.

Would you like to play with me?

Update

This past few weeks have been fascinating. Theres an end to a good job, beginning of a new one, a beautiful trip overseas and a sad reminder of the past. yes, it has been quite fascinating.

Im done with 5 SIR. After almost a year in the unit, ive learned plenty and made a lot of friends along the way. Hopefully, they feel the same way.. haha..

Its been a tough year, and Im glad to say that I enjoyed my PC tour immensely. The weight of responsibility, the need to make tough decisions and bear the consequences, the excitement before the breach.. Im going to miss it all. Itll be a change to be the one observing instead of actually fighting..

I went to Bali recently, with my beautiful girlfriend Mira (yep, gf already liao! :D) and we had a ball of a time! It was unfortunate that we hardly touched the water, but it was just gorgeous sitting by the sea, looking out at the waves thats the height of a 9 year old crashing against the serene sands.. do that while eating bakso and drinking sosro, and uve got a paradise ready-made. It felt a lot like a honeymoon, and people kept congratulating us for it( it was sweet, but totally untrue. Perhaps their wishes had something to do with the cheap plastic surfboard keychains they were trying to push onto us.. ).

There was one time i had to protect her honour as a couple of gasoline pumping goons were eyeing her up and making obscene gestures with the handle of their pumps (haha.. actually, they complimented on how pretty Mira was to the driver of our vehicle, who passed on the compliments. Honestly, Balinese people are so friendly!)

I want to go overseas again.. probably to australia or europe! that would be excellent.. :)

Anyway, ive been posted as instructor to OCS. So if you guys from the west wanna meet up, just drop me a line, cos im free! and im in the west! woohoo!

Cheers mate. will drop more pics soon..

After sooo long, im finally in on the biggest adult secrets that ever was.You know how it is, when people whisper about it and stop the moment you enter a room. When everyone seems to laugh behind their hands when you ask them about it. The secret that has kept me up at night thinking, what can it be?

Well, im 22 this year, and i finally know what those people knew and i don't.

And its downright satisfying.

:)

Thats right. Im now part of THAT club. The exclusive club that many are in but is never spoken about to the uninitiated.

You want to know? Maybe u should grow up a bit first before i tell you *snicker*

Ok, ok, ill tell you.

(whispers) i just signed on for a driving license. *wink*

HAH! finally! im an adult!

A fruitful rehearsal!

MONSOON IS HERE!

A story about a girl. A boy. And the rain of the monsoon season.

$8 per ticket, 20 th June at 7.30 pm, 21st June 2.30 pm and 7.30 pm

Where? Seng Kang CC.

Come on guys. Ladies. Yellow Chair is back with more drama in the heartlands!

:)

Hot and cold.

I am wondering.. hmm..

I don't know you that well.
We so different, you and I.
But whenever im around you,
I can't stop smiling, i don't know why.

Your constantly on my mind.
Every little thing reminds me of you.
That smell in the air, that blade of grass.
the blazing sun, the shining dew.

I yearn to hold you,
Keep you safe from harm.
Even though we just met,
I want you in my arms.

Explain to me why im writing this nonsense at 545am in the morning, could you baby?

Cos i have no freaking idea.

:)

Missing you already.

This song is great. Havent heard it for awhile, but when i was chatting with her, it popped up as a good song to set the 'mood'.

Dedicated to you, my sayang.

Just for you! muacks..

its the 13th of may.

My 7th month in Battalion. Its pretty cool. Ta iwan was a blast. 100 km in 2 weeks. dats pretty cool, eh?

:)

We fought hard. we fought well. 5 sir, ho-ah!

Haha.4 more months and its ord guys. Hold on.

Its a new year, and a new month! and im finally back, in black(and white) to bring u more laughs and more drama from my ever exciting life.

yeap. its EXCITING.

First up, career. Hmm.. same same.. army life is pretty cool. I dont think ill ever be this happy to be in a job. Theres like cool guys to hang with, funny happenings that fill the day with endless laughter. I can sleep whenever i want, do practically anything(including bking in way after 12). How to complain? Smoking isnt just for the smoking corner anymore.. :)
bored? watch simpsons, supernatural, heroes.. etc etc.. all there, in the specialist bunk where i tend to rot in more now arrauf is on course..

Next.. LOVE. or lack thereof. I just went thru a really happy time with this girl. I mean, i havent had so much fun since dhan! And as i was waiting for the rainbow to disappear, the rain clouds came in and drenched the whole parade. With great happiness, there always hides great depression. What the americans went thru was nothing compared to what happened to me. SHeesh.

But, i still think i have the worlds greatest selection of friends! Special mention to Shabina, Fasihah, my sis, Shai and the ycp crew as well as the great specs of ALPHA coy plt 1.. thanks for ur constant support and companionship! I wouldnt be enjoying life so much if u guys arent in my life. :)

sappy siah. Blog only get so emo.

as nurul would say " stop it siah! so fall out boy."

peace (of me: by Britney.)

wait wait wait.. i know im sad, but thats not the point.. its been so freaking long! dats the point actually.. hmm..

Im an officer now, 2LT Muhammad Taufiq of the 5Th Battalion Singapore infantry regiment, in-charge of platoon 1 of alpha company, the finest breed of soldiers since "soldier" and also the sly-est since.. err.. the fox?

Its been a tough month getting to know the people im supposed to work with, superiors and subordinates alike, but slowly im getting a hang of things.. already the camp feels like home, a place where i can be me.

Batman has the mask. I have the green.

Enough about army. Next thing on the list is raya.

Hmm.. not very good dis yr.. i havent got my clothes, havent done anything to the house, no kuih, no special goodies what so ever.. but im still excited about raya.. y? i have no freaking idea.. haha..

Its been awhile, but im still so uninspired to write anything. especially about ilyas. Soon lah, dey. a little dust never hurt anyone(unless ur allergic).

Green jacket

Woahh.. this is wat iam, after taking a personality test.. pretty cool..

Mixed Messenger
Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer (DBLD)
Just...take...the...fucking...flower...darling. The Mixed Messenger apologizes again.
You're looking for love, but you'll always maintain your independence. You're prepared for a real commitment, but it's also likely that you're ambitious, which creates a certain romantic tension and ambivalence within you. So although you can be very affectionate to someone, you are also capable of pulling some dubious shit.
In a relationship, you're usually the emotional leader. With your friends, you're a little bit more part of the pack. You're well-liked but you're not the uninhibited type, so the spotlight's often on someone else. In both social and romantic situations, however, you almost always get what you want. Influencing people is something you do very well.

It was a beautiful night to die.

Ilyas was unafraid. If anything, he was ready to accept his fate. He was the epitome of calm, the air around him vibrating with his serenity. This was where it all ends. Answers were coming. Answers that was long overdue.

The two metal doors were opened wide, the light from within casting shadows of the huge wooden crates that were scattered in the cavernous depths of the warehouse. The chill night air rustled the leaves on the trees along the road, bringing the smell of rain. Ilyas noticed this and more. He saw the tell tale signs of recent vehicular activity in this abandoned building. He smelt the faint tang of kerosene in the air, and he felt his Jacket get coming alive with tingles.The enemy was near.

He entered the warehouse, and walked straight towards an unused load lifter that was rusting peacebly in its slumber.

its been a harrowing week

The forest was silent.

Leaves crackled like thunder beneath his feet. Slowly, he made his way forward, the dagger held at ready, his eyes scanning from side to side. A sudden wind lifted a leaves of the ground, and made the trees moan as more red gold leaves fluttered to the ground.

It was spring in Maine. Hunting season.

Another step forward. On the horizon, he saw a small log cottage on an undulating knoll. The windows were dark, and the overcast sky made the cottage look forbiding. He had an ominous feeling in his stomach, a flutter that could not be erased. But still he strode forward. The vision the child had shown him was coming true.

This was were the Green Jacket dies.

The 21st

Ive had many defeats. And so many victories. Ive worked hard, earned every step of the way with blood and sweat and congealed lactic acid in every fibre of every muscle in my body.

Ive reached the summit, ive seen the other side.
I breathe the cool breeze and feel the touch of snow on my bare, bleeding feet.
I look back, and see only a defeated slope.

I look forward, and see the serrated edges of the downward grade waiting for me.
in my hands i grasp a shining sword, and a bronze bayonet. They were new to me,
I didnt look for them, but when the chance came, i took them.

But i am alone. I look side to side, and i see only emptiness, the blue sky and the hard
ground beneath my feet.

I would throw everything in my hands, and start from the very beginning if
it meant i cud be with you. But i curl my grip tighter. I will not be that stupid again.

Happy birthday, Taufiq. Many happy returns.

Shabina is SOOOOO SWEEEETT!!! Anyway, heres what she wrote about me in one of those fiddly emails ppls so often pass around these days..

I added some comments in BLUE
1. My firstname-surname-nickname: Sir Mohd Taufiq Bin Jailani
2. Where did we meet?:the place where u wanted to get into angeline's pants (What??!!)
3. What do you think about me?: I think ur not bad(as in not hot)
4. How long have you known me?: 7 years

7. What抯 my favourite colour?: Green(eew..u look like a raya hong pau in that green jacket)
8. When you first saw me what was your first impression? Using me to get into angelines pants (haha)
11. Color Hair?: black
12. Color eyes?: brown
13. Have you ever had a crush on me? u would reli like that (Yah yah. Just ignore the question.)
14. Have you ever been jealous of me? yes
15. Whats one of my fav things to do indoors?: Sleep, tv,computer games, wanking (Hey! this is in the wrong order..)
16. Do you remember the first things I said to you when we first met? can i get into angeline's pants?
17. What抯 my fav type of music?: pop, ballads, backstreet boys, nsync
18.What抯 one of my fav things to do outdoors?: drink coffee at esplanade at 7 am!
20.Would you say I抦 funny HAHA or funny (sarcastic)?: BOTH
21. Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules?: rebel
22. Would you consider me a friend?: YES!
23. Would you call me preppy, slutty, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, snobby, or something else?: funny..a little slutty :p (You would like that, wouldnt you?)
24. Have you ever seen me cry-when?:yeap. After u kissed me and i slapped u 6 times (what? no lah.. 7 times..)
26. If I had broccoli stuck on my teeth, would you tell me? YES. wouldnt wanna be seen wid u

27. Do you love me?: With all my heart. And unconditionally
28. Quiet or loud? loud
30. Smart or stupid? smart..can be stupid at times tho
31. Boring or Fun? fun
32. Attractive or Unattractive? attractive
33.A psycho? definitely
34.Athlethic?nope
35. A nerd?yep..wid the mat glasses
36. A slut? yup. u slept wid 2 chicks (Nope. i dun go for poultry sex)(and your just jealous.. blueeek...)
37. Ghetto? no idea whats that>
38. Two-faced?nope
39. Obnoxious?sometimes
40. Immature?dats thana
41. Mature?yeah..at times
42. What do you think I抣l be when I grow up? a soldier
43. A) Do you think I抣l get married? yeah
B) If you do匴ho do you think I抣l marry? me
44. Who is my best friend? a hot indian girl in aussie (If your hot, go turn up the air conditioning..)
45. What song(if any)reminds you of me? say a little prayer for u, best fren's wedding
46. Do I remind you of any characters on TV? yeap. marcel from frens (hey.. stop monkeying around.. )
47. If you could rename me, what would my name be? TAUFIQ USED TO HAVE CRUSH ON SURIA
48. Have you ever had a dream about me?yeah (hmmm.. )
49. A feature that you like about me: ur laugh and corny jokes
50. If you could give me anything, what would it be? a home made cheesecake
51. Am I physically ugly, average, decent, good-looking, beautiful, hot? not bad
52. Would you ever kiss me? u reli would love that ( of course. after kissing u twice, id expect you to return the favour.)
53. Would you ever consider being my boyfriend/girlfriend? yeah ( awww...)
54. If we spent a day together?.where would we go and what would we do? force me to go esplanade at 7 am and watch me sleep
55. If you could describe me in one word, what would it be? corny
57. Is there anything you抎 like to say to me? i miss u so much u corny loser!

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) My bestest best fren in the world(literally)

The dream

You know that feeling, when you know its all a dream, yet you don't bother to stop yourself? You just continue with the 'movie', because you want it to be true.

She was beautiful. She had a boyfriend, a fat jerk who was older than both of us. We were out together, the three of us. I knew he was a jerk. He had those piggy eyes, and the first few words he gave me was that he was a military policemen, and that he was older than me, therefore better. I took it in, but i didnt let it get to me.

We went a few places in the dream, but the vision of those places are blurs in my minds eye. I remember we were sitting on granite benches, and he was standing in front of me. She was sitting next to me, and i was telling him really bad jokes, but i cant seem to concentrate. When he wasnt looking, she would blow softly into my ear, and whisper stuff i cant really hear. But i felt her love. Somehow.

We got on a bus. The three of us. The bus went its merry way, till it reached our stop. He was first off, i was next. Suddenly, he turned around and grabbed my collar. "Who do you think you are? Your're nobody! She will never be with you again!"

It was like the spitting thing all over again. But somehow, i had more guts this time. I grabbed his hand, did a quick twist and pushed him off me. He staggered, but there was a malicious glint in his eyes. He took out his card and a flashlight(no idea why) and he told me to put my hands up. "Im going to arrest you for physically abusing a military policeman."

I cocked my arm, and let fly. T ook him down like he was a cardboard target. Then, i leapt into the bus, found her waiting for me. In his pain, he roared at her. "Where are you going?"
For some reason she answered " The MRT!"

I was back aboard the bus, and the automatic door closed. Our hands met, and i was looking into her huge brown eyes, and i told her not to worry. "We'll get off at the next stop. He wont be expecting that. Get ready to run when i tell you too."

Then, i woke up.. and the most sweetest sensation, that i have ever only experienced in my dreams, was once again lost for another day. Sometimes, i wish i could just live in the land of dreams, as long as she's there, waiting for me.

Alas. It is but a dream.

I love my parents.

But lately, after i told them about my break up, theyve been a little more supportive then they should be...

1) when i was about to go for Ex starlight, my dad told me this at the airport, " Don't worry, youll find another one when you get home. there are plenty out there. If you happen to meet a pretty, muslim taiwanese girl, maybe you could bring her home.."

2)I told my mum i was having lunch with shabina, who was leaving for Australia, and she gave a loud gasp. " Shabina?" she said, all this in malay but i have translated it for you," but what happened to the other one?"

I gave a non-commital shrug but the look on her face was too comical, i couldnt stop a smile from escaping.

" So did she kick you out or did you kick her out?" she said, with a smile.

"She."

"So shes found someone else?" asked my mum, her eyes twinkling." You want me to return the cloth she gave me?"

Good old mum.

3) I was sitting down in johor with my parents, having lunch, when my dad broke the silence by clearing his throat. " You know that friend of yours who came over to our house for Hari Raya? The one whose mum is your mums second cousin?"

I was eating, but i was wary just the same. "Yeah?"

"Your mum and I feel that we wouldnt mind being closer to their family. Why don't you go make friends with her?"

I nearly choked on my rice. She wasnt actually a saint. In fact shes been with my coursemates back in NP. I felt slightly nauseated thinking of a friends leftovers.

My dad thought i had scoffed at her looks. "But even your Auntie thinks shes good looking. She's as keen as well if khamal were interested."

Poor khamal..

Im not sure why all this is happening now, especially since im only 21 for godsakes.. still got ages to go before anything..

There is this girl tho, who is my ideal girl, the girl of my dreams, but i doubt it will ever happen.

There is another girl who is far away, who i have promised to make mine if we were both single when we became 28.

There is also my teenage sweetheart to consider.

As well as other ppl, other girls out there.

But all in all, im not choosy. Any one of this, any girl who fits the bill, is the one that i want.

But the time i have is not mine. Maybe someday, ill be free to go look for her. Till then, im right here beb. The balls in your court. Itll be awhile before the ball is served by me again..

nothing better to do

Its been awhile since i had a retrospective analysis on my life so far, the last quarter of this decade. Many things have happened, and not many have been very good, particularly after i was enlisted. Hmm.. here are some of the highlights of my life for the last coupla years. They are not placed in order, of course.

1) Sadly, i confessed my feelings to a very close friend of mine, and things took a turn for the worse when she decided things were to weird to continue being friends.

2) Teaching in my old alma mater was a superb experience that made me see the other side of the mirror. Although looking back, i think i was a little to immature to be teaching kids barely 5 years my junior. Maybe when i return to sembawang, ill do a better job.

3)Dating a friend's girl behind his back. Got caught, got spat on, lost the girl. Not a very happy ending, all things considered.

4) Fell in love with a beautiful angel who was perfect, except for dumb old me who, when in love, tends to become unforgivably protective ( and possesive). Amazing what a few months in OCS has taught me about material possesion. IF only.

5) Dated a girl on and off for two years. Treated her like crap for the first year or so, always breaking up with her in the end. But the moment i decided to give the relationship the due attention in required, i gets dumped, and before you can say "go Lemmings" shes with someone else. Hmm.. Serves me right i suppose.

6) Got into OCS. It was no easy work to get here, and no easy work to leave here either. The hours are crazy, the days are tiring, the nights are fitful. But the end is near. ;)

7) Lost my other close friend, this time to studies. Shes going to Australia in stages, returning 4 or 5 months for the holidays. I miss her already. She's my longest girl-friend i have(almost 7 years!) and i have this feeling were fated to fulfill the promise we made when we were 14. :)

8) Did "Tainted Flower" as well as directed the lukewarm "sketches: A story of hope" for and with Yellow Chair Productions. Proudest moment ever when i started cutting my hair in Tainted and got screams of horror from the crowd. Preeetttyyy cool.

9) Made great friends from yellow chair, Shai, Yaz, Shahdon, to name a few.. met the gruesome twosome there as well, and ended getting spat on. Genius.

10) Did Ides of March! slow, boring, with a rousing finish, ides was my first step into proper acting. Cool huh?

11) Acted in R21 as well as Takdir, a final year project for a friend of mine. Oh well. tv acting hasnt been my cup of tea just yet. :)

Thats all folks. a pretty candid affair, i think. Any input, feel free to drop me a line. cheers..