New Year

Well. 2 more days to the new year. Woop di doo.

The way I see it, i have a choice: should i view this year in an optimistic way, or a crap negative way? Because in many cases, it fits both profiles very, very well.

I think back to the beginning of the year, and remembered how i started it. 2008 was a year of promise, career going well, had someone i was slowly falling for, and my family is as tightly knit as ever. Things seem pretty smooth sailing to me.

Someone told me that the way you spend New Years Eve is the way you were going to spend the new year. I think thats pretty bullshit lah. Here I am at the end of the year, and all i can think about are the negative thats happened.

But what if its the reverse? Say, if i had a totally bollocky new years eve, getting arrested by the cops for drink driving, find that my gf is making out with another guy, lose my commission, lose the ability to talk cock at a very fast pace, swallowing a piece of my shoe(wow. random.) even getting laughd at by my friends.. maybe its going to turn out better than expected! Maybe ill get rich or something, find nirvana, write a script that's worth millions, fall in love with the gal of my dreams, own a restaurant.. the positive things are endless! yes!

I shall do it! i Shall bollock up my new year!



Oh, who gives a fuck. I just wanna brood.

Happy New Year everyone. Ill be hiding in my bunk doing something really sad. Hah.

Terence Lee- An old classmate

For five years I've known you, yet we've became as strangers, oblivious to each other's presence.
There were times you shared, your sorrows and pains, your struggles and your weaknesses, but what did it amount to?
With silence you killed me and this relationship, pretending I'm a stranger.
Silence is lethal, it means nothing, yet says so much.
It causes the mind to go crazy, to speculate, and obliterate.
It says, "leave me alone!" Yet causes the heart to grow ever fonder.
Silence is a knife, cutting without a sound, splitting without much fuss.
It is potent, effective, yet empty at the same time.
It whispers "go no farther" to a car speeding at a hundred miles an hour.
Perhaps it's not me, but yourself, or the institution, that's causing you to feel this way.
Maybe you feel guilty, embaressed, or non-chalant.
Maybe you feel angry, sad, and disappointed.
Maybe it's disillusionment, disgust, and utter shame.
A thousand maybes, all the fruit of your silence.
Why do this to me, and to many others?
What irony, in the age of social networking, that you are silent yet loud at the same time.
Your Facebook profile screams at me, inviting me to peek into your life.
From personal to impersonal, your smile fades, your joy reeks, it disgusts me.
What hides behind that smile? Is it unbridled joy, endless sorrow, or something in between?
Your presence is an insult, a constant shadow, chasing me into my dreams.
It's time to let you go, yet it's so hard.
Maybe we will meet someday again, and I wish you success.
May you find happiness in your pursuits, and will you please reach your dreams for me?
Should you leave these shores, may you not forget yourself.
Someday, maybe, we will meet.
May God be with you.

Courtesy of Senhor Terence Lee, an ex-classmate with flair for the liguistics.

I need a target

Oh well, things are pretty peachy for now. Just got my license, and been driving around like a crazy person for the past few days(crazy as in crazy BUT safe). Took leave for today so i cud relax abit and use up some of that un-used leave thats been accumulating.

Also, on another front, just did Judgement day and i just wanted to say how boring it was.. haha.. it was pretty straight forward lah, and i need a story with more twist than that.. It was too errmm.. serious for me.. but the cast and audience were really cool, so im good.

I want to welcome Shahdon back. Missed his orc laughter but now he's back, its just non-stop laughs. Im beginning to miss hanging with Yazid too, tho if things go as i see it, i could potentially see him everyday in camp(which is too lame for my taste :) )

Nearly got the car towed away on sunday, cos i totally forgot about the Standard Chart marathon. They had already set up, the tow truck was poised behind my car, and the cisco guys were already gesturing to each other about how to go about towing the car away. Luckily i got there in time after running my own marathon with zallie and hamad.. haha.. That was lucky!

I really need a target. or at least something to look forward too. Suddenly, everything feels so out of focus, theres no more joy in anything. I feel like a zombie sometimes. Going thru the motions. There doesnt seem to be anything that can cheer me up from this funk, and the more I try, the less i want to continue trying.

Maybe ill go get myself my own car. then i wont mope around quite so much. haha.

:)




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Moment

I don't know how to quit you.


God help me if i don't.

Eddie Izzard on Star wars Cantina

hahahah... This is a made up scene with lego characters based on Eddie Izzards Stand up. It cracked me up just watching it. For those people prefering to see the original, its the second Video. Enjoy! :)




ORIGINAL!

The Singaporean Dream

I had a conversation with Khamal a while back, and at that moment, it didnt strike a chord with me at all. I didnt agree when he said that being stuck in Singapore was the worst thing to happen to anyone. Getting a stable job, getting married, having a car and a condo, all this served only to root a person down, to prevent him from seeing the world.

I told him he was mad, that there was no better place to live in than Singapore. I told him how much i love my country, love my job, love my home.


Suddenly, things arent so clear. I saw a pic of a friend of mine, who is currently overseas, and i envy him. The total freedom of living in another place where things are different, and being given a chance to re-create oneself totally. New histories, new friends and a new life.

A second chance at everything.

Am I really ready to commit to anything now in my life? Am i willing to work in the same organisation for the rest of my days knowing that there's only one life to live? Am i super satisfied with what i have even though I wont be able to sate this recurrent feeling of wanderlust?

Doesnt matter. Someone once said that the best dreams are those that are unattainable.

HAHA! THIS IS COOL SHIT!

Watch the first video, then watch the second!








I swear, if Shai was to write Shows like this for a living, he would do the same damn thing..

:)

Sailed away

Ive been watching CHUCK again!

Found this as i was perusing(yes, big word!) you tube on the series..



SAILED AWAY

Does it hurt to hear me say
That I never really meant to stay
I left you right where I want you
Now there's nothin' left
And not a reason
There's nothin' left to believe in
When just one remains
I've sailed away

Such a foolish game
That we have been playin'
Now you got me right where you want me
I left you in the right
But you wouldn't let me take the fall
Now you've got me right where you want me

CHORUS
Now there's nothin' left
And that's the reason
There's not much left to believe in
If it's all just the same
I'll sail away
You pushed so hard
You have to know that
You might just get what you wanted
And when just one remains
I've sailed away

I found out on my own
Everything that I've been missin'
Now I've got you right where I want you
Now that we're apart
I see just who you are
You're always gonna be
The one to keep hatin'
Now I've got you right where I want you

chorus

I'm not one to hide my face behind the pain
It's not like me to beg you to stay
I'll just sail away

chorus

And when just one remains
You know I've sailed away

Does it hurt to hear me say
That I never really meant to stay

Judgement day

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Tekong

I just came back(read: 2 days ago) from Tekong, and i realise something.. Army is getting so comfortable now! Theres a shelter, fans, lights, a parade square.. its a wonder that hey call it outfield anymore..


Things at work have been almost smooth cruising. My colleagues are pretty cool, at least the new leftenants while the older birds are quite cool about things.


Its not the same though. Ever since Taiwan ive been looking forward to coming home, but nowadays, i just wanna stay whereever it is I am cos its so much easier. Seriously. haha


As things go, theres a play entitled "Judgement Day" coming out on the 6th of December so if ya'll free, come on down to the Room upstairs. when i get the full in fo, itll be up. yeah? :) im acting in it!!

and i came out in 2x5 dol! woohoo!! my first few seconds of fame!


And Tak dong cheng, starring our very own Yazid Jalil was a blast! really! its so cool lah, seeing him on the big screen. What i wouldnt give to have acted with him

Sorry zid for not meeting up for movies. im pretty shagged out and the whole family is searching for the rat(s) thats been swarming around the house. Its not a stupid excuse. When u have to wade through rat poo you would noe. haha


Thats all. Very random, but all true.



Your on my mind.

Violent Stabbings In Woodlands!

I found out a very shocking news the other day.. About a violent stabbing that happened in Woodlands. Its very sad to see how much the victim suffered before he died, there was blood, sweat and tears all over the place.


It was weird though. It seemed to have been a surgical strike to the heart , but the victim must have suffered quite alot due to the evidence shown. Clenched teeth. Dried tears on his eyebags. Body curled up in a foetal position. He was prety strong though, or else he had the endurance of an elephant on creatine, because he had crawled quite a distance away from the scene. You can see the blood smear stretching all the way to his house from the front gate.


I wonder if he will be mourned. Seems to be a pretty good looking bloke. Lived in a condo with his parents, sister and two brothers. Pity he had to go like that.


I saw the article where he had written a few words before he was stabbed. Seems like he was sorry about something he had done to his gf. There were a few dramatic lines involving waiting and hoping, or some such nonsense, but he did seem quite adamant that what he said be taken at face value. And oh, he mentioned he would love her forever.


Well, whatever he promised, he took it to his grave. Let us all take a few moments to remember the lost.


Because one of these days, we might find ourselves in a similar situation.

Shagged out? Totally

Its been awhile since i chilled with pals and gals till the early hours. It was tiring and so absolutely fabulous in its way, but I cant shake off that feeling no matter how hard I try. Its a vicious cycle, the constant need to find something to do that busy's my mind so i wont come back to the same thoughts.


Sometimes its a blessing to be crap at multi-tasking.


I watched Nights in Rodanthe, Tropic thunder(again) and REC. It was a nice mix of romance,comedy and horror, combining to achieve the desired effect. Going out with Shai, Yaz and Sam never seemed so fun!


It was great seeing her again. Been awhile since we talked beb, but im glad i have friends like you! I used to be so full up on girlfriends that i really miss those days when i could have a female view on things without having to resort to asking my mum(which is not a good idea, actually). Ill upload ur photo soon, so you can stop griping me to send it to you, yeah?


Im tired. But content. Thanks for the night guys..

Reboot

Who pressed the hidden bell,
that stopped all beauteous things?
The tinkling softness that breaks upon,
the brow of beggars and Kings.

Where is the shining sun,
that warms the timid grass?
The soaring clouds above the sea,
all gone to shadows and dust.

Why does the wind blow cold?
Across the scorched and charred ground.
The fading ring of that hidden bell,
how can my heart be found?

Anon.

Poets sum things up so damn well..

I was sitting in the lecture(sports science i think) and i realise i was suddenly so PREGNANT with creative ideas. I wanted to pen down some Ilyas right away. But the problem was, where to start?

I could write about his death? Nah too passe.

I could write about his beginning? Batman Begins anyone?

I could write some non-stop action involving his super fast reflexes and an impervious green jacket? Smallville all over again.

I could write about his life in school? Back to hogwarts people!

AH! i Could write about his relationships with Lois and the red haired girl! erm.. no.. i dont think so.. sounds alot like my secondary school journal I unearthed the other day.. super kental!

So i sat there, all pregnant, not knowing where to give birth to my brilliant yet misunderstood ideas.. when i thought about something. Ever since i joined the army and set foot into OCS, Ive always wanted to make a movie, or a series, about a cadet in the army. It wouldnt just be my experience, but the total experience of a bunch of us narrating the times we were in green and had white bars on our shoulders. It would be so cool. How tough it is, the expectations,the friction between cadets, the love stories, the physical training, the mindless tekan, the Missions, the drama! all captured on film or in words.

But i dont think it would be allowed. It would definitely be rated and knowing our guys up there, itll be cut to nothing before it even hits the big screens.

It would be great though. It would be great to just document what ive done, How ive done, why i did it. To show how incredibly proud i am to be serving my nation in this capacity.

So i wrote a few scenes briefly(like really briefly. try one sentence each) and i found i was looking at a cool idea in the vein of Jarhead and/or Band of brothers(without the war).

Maybe ill continue to write later. Maybe not. See how lah.

:)

The other day i was looking at this box where i keep all my keepsakes of my past, and i found myself being drawn to the picture of me and Bella. There were two, one in the open, another squirraled away in a book. I had totally forgotten about her after the great bust up a couple of years ago(entirely my fault) and it was a quick punch to my brain to see us smiling so happily from the pictures that were taken 6 years ago. It was as if we didnt know that we were heading to a really messy separation.

But what to do.

Ive always known me and him were in this whole roman-carthaginian thing where neither could live while the other survives(or harry and volde come to think of it). Looks like i went the hannibal way( though ive always loved them better. Elephants in the alps and all that) but in retrospect, i think im okay with that. Im just sad that we cant be friends still. In previous entries i did say so, but i just want to clarify, to myself most of all (since this is my blog) that i dont harbour no feelings for dear old bella anymore. It was a sad teenage child who fell for her awkward beauty years ago, and obsessed over her everyday, practicing the words to say if the hoped for moment ever came. It did arrive, actually. :) and like all things,there's always room for mr cockup.

I miss the times we spent together. Looking back, i can laugh at how silly i was, a lost teenager with grandiose ideas of love. But that boy is gone now. He grew up, learnt from his mistakes, and dearly wished he could have his friend back, at least to talk to about shit thats going down.

But the man wishes in vain. The awkward girl? she's gone too.

sadly.

(wow.. so emo seh! stop it siak..)

how about a joke? anyone heard about the bakaweh joke?

woah!

Its amaizng how many people actually read this crappy blog. firstly, the layout is unimpressive, un-cool and just green. Secondly, the writing is insipid, with mundane everyday events and un-funny jokes. Thirdly, there is an obvious lack of pictures suggesting the owner of not having a life(or a camera!). So why so many people actually read this blog?

Im flattered. Honestly. I started out wanting to put words to the life of Ilyas, and he has stagnated. He is lying in a pool of filth, retching for air. When i lost my green jacket, i felt it was the end. Ilyas was finally dead. Committed suicide.

I remember that night pretty well. I lost it, and i walked aimlessly for hours, combing thru the same area over and over, just looking for Ilyas. So many people had worn it, girls whom i had loved and lost and some i hold dear even now, had spent sometime feeling Ilyas' embrace. And myself. Ilyas had been a constant companion, my shield against the world, against pain, suffering, loneliness. It had been me. I was the Green Jacket. Who am i now?

Nothing will replace a thoroughbred. In Sharpe's Sword, when Sharpe had wanted a Kliganthel Blade, a sword made by the finest craftsman in Germany with the finest steel, he had to kill the owner to get it. But the blade was evil, it had too much innocent blood on it. when Sharpe was recovering from an almost mortal wound dealt by the owner with the kliganthel blade itself, Harper had made him a blade from a simple discarded cavalry Heavy sabre, sharpening it, polishing it, putting a gem in the hilt, lovingly made by a best friend for the ailing sharpe. Needless to say, Sharpe took that sword and killed the wowner of the kliganthel and thru the evil sword into a river.

Ilyas is gone. Taken from its previous owner without permission, it did not belong to me. It gave warmth to many, but none of them truly deserved wearing it.

But all hope is not lost. Love saves, and a new jacket, green as ilyas, lighter, more supple and smells better, worn by the woman i truely,madly, deeply love, was presented to me for my 22nd. By two people who i feel loves me a lot. :) Thank you khamal, fasihah. You guys rock.

Ilyas is dead. Its just Taufiq Now. Taufiq's Green Jacket.

Was walking home from work, having had the most terrible and most frustrating day, and i bumped into safrizan, and old friend from poly. He was selling Ayam Percik(percik chicken, honestly i dont know the true translation.) and he called me over. We had a stick and he offered to send me home.

I was famished, so i decided to go makan first over at Al-amin. Suddenly, both of us started making calls and before the hour was up, we were joined by Qamah, Salim, Fir, Rasfan and Blaine. It was a super impromptu gathering but it was not unlooked for. I was immediately cheered up! haha

We had a long discussion, about life, and Ijan came up with a very interesting view on life.

LIFE IS A BOARD GAME OF SNAKE AND LADDERS.

Now this might sound cliche, but it made sense.

Say you have a target. perhaps a car. so you play the game, going up life's ladders to bring you closer, going down the snakes along the way. Sometimes, you see a ladder, but actually its a snake, masquerading as a ladder. Sometimes, you expect to fall but come out nearer to you target than you ever expected. The game,of course, isnt complete without dice. The dice are the choices we make, whether right or wrong, 1 or 6, will bring us closer or push us further from our target.

Now, concurrently, there are millions of other targets, each over and under our current target, and every decision we make moves the pieces on the other parallel boards as well. Cool huh? An infinite game of Snakes and ladders.

Would you like to play with me?

Update

This past few weeks have been fascinating. Theres an end to a good job, beginning of a new one, a beautiful trip overseas and a sad reminder of the past. yes, it has been quite fascinating.

Im done with 5 SIR. After almost a year in the unit, ive learned plenty and made a lot of friends along the way. Hopefully, they feel the same way.. haha..

Its been a tough year, and Im glad to say that I enjoyed my PC tour immensely. The weight of responsibility, the need to make tough decisions and bear the consequences, the excitement before the breach.. Im going to miss it all. Itll be a change to be the one observing instead of actually fighting..

I went to Bali recently, with my beautiful girlfriend Mira (yep, gf already liao! :D) and we had a ball of a time! It was unfortunate that we hardly touched the water, but it was just gorgeous sitting by the sea, looking out at the waves thats the height of a 9 year old crashing against the serene sands.. do that while eating bakso and drinking sosro, and uve got a paradise ready-made. It felt a lot like a honeymoon, and people kept congratulating us for it( it was sweet, but totally untrue. Perhaps their wishes had something to do with the cheap plastic surfboard keychains they were trying to push onto us.. ).

There was one time i had to protect her honour as a couple of gasoline pumping goons were eyeing her up and making obscene gestures with the handle of their pumps (haha.. actually, they complimented on how pretty Mira was to the driver of our vehicle, who passed on the compliments. Honestly, Balinese people are so friendly!)

I want to go overseas again.. probably to australia or europe! that would be excellent.. :)

Anyway, ive been posted as instructor to OCS. So if you guys from the west wanna meet up, just drop me a line, cos im free! and im in the west! woohoo!

Cheers mate. will drop more pics soon..

After sooo long, im finally in on the biggest adult secrets that ever was.You know how it is, when people whisper about it and stop the moment you enter a room. When everyone seems to laugh behind their hands when you ask them about it. The secret that has kept me up at night thinking, what can it be?

Well, im 22 this year, and i finally know what those people knew and i don't.

And its downright satisfying.

:)

Thats right. Im now part of THAT club. The exclusive club that many are in but is never spoken about to the uninitiated.

You want to know? Maybe u should grow up a bit first before i tell you *snicker*

Ok, ok, ill tell you.

(whispers) i just signed on for a driving license. *wink*

HAH! finally! im an adult!

A fruitful rehearsal!

MONSOON IS HERE!

A story about a girl. A boy. And the rain of the monsoon season.

$8 per ticket, 20 th June at 7.30 pm, 21st June 2.30 pm and 7.30 pm

Where? Seng Kang CC.

Come on guys. Ladies. Yellow Chair is back with more drama in the heartlands!

:)

Hot and cold.

I am wondering.. hmm..

I don't know you that well.
We so different, you and I.
But whenever im around you,
I can't stop smiling, i don't know why.

Your constantly on my mind.
Every little thing reminds me of you.
That smell in the air, that blade of grass.
the blazing sun, the shining dew.

I yearn to hold you,
Keep you safe from harm.
Even though we just met,
I want you in my arms.

Explain to me why im writing this nonsense at 545am in the morning, could you baby?

Cos i have no freaking idea.

:)

Missing you already.

This song is great. Havent heard it for awhile, but when i was chatting with her, it popped up as a good song to set the 'mood'.

Dedicated to you, my sayang.

Just for you! muacks..

its the 13th of may.

My 7th month in Battalion. Its pretty cool. Ta iwan was a blast. 100 km in 2 weeks. dats pretty cool, eh?

:)

We fought hard. we fought well. 5 sir, ho-ah!

Haha.4 more months and its ord guys. Hold on.

Its a new year, and a new month! and im finally back, in black(and white) to bring u more laughs and more drama from my ever exciting life.

yeap. its EXCITING.

First up, career. Hmm.. same same.. army life is pretty cool. I dont think ill ever be this happy to be in a job. Theres like cool guys to hang with, funny happenings that fill the day with endless laughter. I can sleep whenever i want, do practically anything(including bking in way after 12). How to complain? Smoking isnt just for the smoking corner anymore.. :)
bored? watch simpsons, supernatural, heroes.. etc etc.. all there, in the specialist bunk where i tend to rot in more now arrauf is on course..

Next.. LOVE. or lack thereof. I just went thru a really happy time with this girl. I mean, i havent had so much fun since dhan! And as i was waiting for the rainbow to disappear, the rain clouds came in and drenched the whole parade. With great happiness, there always hides great depression. What the americans went thru was nothing compared to what happened to me. SHeesh.

But, i still think i have the worlds greatest selection of friends! Special mention to Shabina, Fasihah, my sis, Shai and the ycp crew as well as the great specs of ALPHA coy plt 1.. thanks for ur constant support and companionship! I wouldnt be enjoying life so much if u guys arent in my life. :)

sappy siah. Blog only get so emo.

as nurul would say " stop it siah! so fall out boy."

peace (of me: by Britney.)