Everything

Your a falling star
Your the get away car
Your the line in the sand
When i go too far

Your the swimming pool
On my estate
Your the perfect thing to sing

And you play it coy
But its kinda cute
When you smile at me you know exactly what you do
Baby dont pretend,
That you dont know its true
That you can see it when i look at u

And in this crazy life, in this crazy times
Its you, its you, you make me sing,
Your every line, your every word
Your everything.



Im so tired nowadays. The fire inside doesnt seem to burn anymore cos everything seems murky. Expectations, objectives, plans. Everything seems to mean everything but mean nothing. How oxymoronic can u get?

I cant help but feel like im in a quaterlife crisis.

The Ride of the Valkyrie

After watching this movie ive learnt a few things.

1)My Armour friend was telling me that if things start to falter in an operation, it always takes an Armour Officer to get things done.

2)Indecision kills. Literally.

3)A man is only a man when he makes a decision and sticks with it no matter what the consequence. That way, he's word is always true, and no one can take that away from him.

4)Hitler was either damn lucky or the rest were damn unlucky. Either way, we all knew how it was going to end.

5)Every operation has its cock ups. You can never run out of contingencies.

I liked Valkyrie. It reminded me of how the Romans used to try and oust the current government. It was always for the good of Rome, for the good of the people, for the good of the future. In fact, it normally meant for the good of the individual or a select few. In retrospect, we could say that the guys behind the plots to destroy Hitler were doing the right thing, but how could they have known that at that time? Everyone was still behind the regime. So how could this guys have the foresight to actually say " hey, i think this is wrong. I believe that i should not standby and let it happen." Without knowing what lay in the future, they put everything on the line to achieve the ideals and principles they stood for, believing what they were doing was right and just.

As Tommy puts it so eloquently in 'Snatch' as he points the gun to the head of the gangsta armed with a baseball bat, will i ever have the "minerals" to stick to my plan, no matter the cost?

Inshallah. God Willing.

V-Day

A few things ive learnt today:-

1) v day isnt so bad when u spend it with friends. No matter how incredibly negative u feel.

2) i think ive dated too much cos one ex is attached to someone close to me while another is getting married to a cousin!

3) you can blog with the iphone!

4) no matter how bad things go, faith in your product is the most rewarding thing of all. Cos no matter what, theres always a chance of success. Apologies to all because i began to lose faith in everything. And everyone.

5) im not as funny as i thought.

6) im not as mature as i thought.

7) im wise enough to realise iM not very mature.

8) im taking the first steps in accomplishing the 3 tasks i set for myself!

Night all. Im all DONE for the day..

:D

Musings

Ive been thinking.. Do things really change when u grow up? i mean, sure, when i was 10 i loved drinking kickapoo joy juice, you know that acidic yellow drink filled with nothing but sugar and caffeine? Now i dont really like it that much, perhaps a 4 out of ten?

A couple of years ago, i was presented with an opportunity that i knew i would miss if i blinked. So i didnt. Worked as best i can at it, only to find that in the end, i was just kidding myself that i would achieve that dream.

Some time ago, miracles of miracles, ANOTHER opportunity presented itself. Much of the same as the intitial one but with differing variables: i was older, wiser, had more experience in the field and I knew what it took to actually succeed in this endaevour. But no matter how hard i tried, twisting this way and that, patiently holding back the young enthusiastic buck who had all but died away, only to find the end result matching the earlier chance.

So, however much ive grown, have i really changed at all? I still look the same, albeit more leathery and haggard due to the exposure to the sun. Im still the same height, the same built, my hairs the same colour. But i know that ive changed. My eyes are different. My brain think in different patterns. My words are measured, still vulgar and abrasive at times, but gentle. I might not have become smarter but i definitely have become wiser. So why the same outcome?

I guess, in retrospect, my goals might have changed, but my reaction to certain subject matter,places and people are still the same. I might have dulled the foolish tongue, but even a blunt knife can kill. Im still the same person after all. Just slightly stronger, more patient, and more resilient.

I wont CMCF right now. Even though i want to. There is just no point. Its a waste of energy and will only lead to me being utterly shagged out. No. i will be patient, as is my wont. I will be disciplined, and i will not let this setback destroy the Zen that i have built over the past 2 years of my life.

hmmph. Sometimes im really Macam paham only.. haha..