Alright! Lets write!

"So, there i was just basically sitting there doing just nothing, and this guy comes up to me and says, you gotta be kidding me! and he jams this really ancient looking piece, and im talking ancient dinosauric with a capital D, right into my armpit and just laughs! Yeah, he just laughs! Its like he was a maniac or something!"

I wondered silently if it was a maniac with a capital M.

"So then i says to him.." Moe was determined to tell his story, but i could tell it was a believable as his rolex that had the numbers 3, 6, and 9 in roman numerals and totally poiting in the wrong directions.

"So you say to him."

"What?" Brows furrowed, brain trying to register this sentence but unfortunately, if his noggin was a register it was not a very big one. Or a very fast one. "That's what i said!"

"Nope, you said, 'So then, i says to him' dot dot dot," I said, underlining the dots with a dot on my notebook. "Its say. Present tense, singular."

Face getting redder now. Sweat bumps appearing among swarthy features and erupting down his grimy skin. Moe mouth opens and close for a few more times before he decided having it stay shut was the proper thing to do.

"Ok, Mr Turner. I just had a pretty long night. One of my clients just got threatened by her ex and I was up all night doing surveillance. I know your very enthusiastic, and this is the what.. 5th time your applying for this job?"

Moe looked affronted and held up seven fingers.

"Fine, 7th time. But i really need a proper assistant. someone who can work my file drawers, pull up leads from the streets while im up elsewhere, someone who can do surveillance while im trying to break in. I mean youve got nothing but your stories that you keep telling me are true!" Actually, i was pretty impressed with his record. Born in '98, he had served with the boys in flanders and was one of the few who came back with nary a gas mark. Recorded company marksman, fittest man in his platoon and seems to have been almost decorated with the congressional medal of honour, but he claimed it was someone else. The perfect guy for the team i was assembling.

But he just can't shut up!

"But they are true! The german put his piece in my armpit, started yelling crazy horse, so i smashed him in the face with a leftover under and he went willy-nilly over no mans land back to his mama's skirts! And i even got a little bit of him with me!" Moe took out an envelope from the inside of his jacket pocket and opened it. Inside was a small brownish lump that he shook onto his hand, before almost throwing it at me to let me see.

"See, thats his front teeth, the one I smashed in when he tried to bite me a little later!" His grin was crazy but winning, and when i say winning i mean like winning the bullet in Russian Roulette.

I waved my hand. "Ill think about it. Right now im really busy."

"Come one, boss!" He had whisked away the tooth and now had his hat in his hands. " ive got kids to feed, see? And the missus aint going to be too pleased if i dont get no job soon. She promised not to give me any whoopi if i dont get something together!"

i winced, got out of my chair and opened the door to my office with a bang. "Out! i dont want to hear about the ammoural adventures of the toad family! Ill think about it I said, and ill call on you if i need your services! Go!"

Moe put his hat on and morosely left, dragging his scuffed shoes over my persian carpet. He caught his hat in the chandlier that Monica bought me when we went to paris on our honeymoon, stumbled,tripped over Keejo, who was hidding under the divan the whole time and only choosing that perfect instant to dash out and have a sniff at Moe, who finally went head first through my window.

I put my head in my hands.

There was a sound of glass pieces being dropped on the floor as Moe extricated himself from the mess. " Im so.. so sorry, mister.."

"GET!"